Dating as a trans or non-binary young person
Fact checked by experts and reviewed by young people.
Navigating the world of dating can be a daunting experience for most people. As a trans young person, you might have some additional anxieties about putting yourself out there and dating.
It’s important to know that it is possible to have happy, fulfilling relationships, no matter what your gender identity or sexual orientation is. Here are some things to keep in mind when it comes to dating as a trans person.
Sharing your identity
When you’re getting to know someone, you may want to let them know your gender identity. When you do this is ultimately up to you – you get to decide if you want to share this information at all, and how you want to share it. You might want to be upfront from the very beginning, or you might decide to wait and get a better sense of the person you’re dating before bringing it up. Remember that you only need to share this information if and when you’re comfortable to do so.
Meeting people
Finding ways to meet new people can be a challenge for anyone in the dating world. Attending events or joining groups can be a great way to meet people who are interested in the same things you are – this doesn’t have to be an LGBTI+ or trans/non-binary focused group, but spending time in those cricles can give you an opportunity to meet like-minded people who have a better understanding of your experience. If you’re in college, joining a club or society is another great way to meet people.
Staying safe on dating apps
Dating apps are a popular way to meet people, and it can be a lot of fun getting to know people online. Generally, you need to be over 18 to join a dating app. Some apps, such as Tinder, give you a number of options for your gender identity, and you can decide how much information you want to share on your profile.
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The upshot is that many of us get stuck in draining relationships
Feelings stirred up by a close friend often echo unresolved issues from childhood, like sibling rivalry or fear of abandonment, and unless those feelings are acknowledged, no amount of discussion can save the relationship
In my own life, I seem to have a knack for attracting needy friends. Even though I joke about my nonpaying “caseload,” I struggle to set limits.
“Women seem to be both hardwired and socialized to be nurturing,” says Sandy Sheehy, author of Connecting: The Enduring Power of Female Friendship (William Morrow). Sheehy tells the story of Martha, a graduate student, wife, and mother who felt sucked dry by an emotionally dependent friend. After unsuccessfully trying the usual stop-calling-and-drift method, Martha found a way to extricate herself while allowing the other woman to preserve her dignity. She said, “I can’t be the friend you want me to be.” Sheehy says, “Martha took the burden of inadequacy on herself.” It’s like a boyfriend telling you, “I can’t love you the way you deserve,” instead of saying, “I don’t love you.”
Born Gay Born This Way and I’m From Driftwood
Make sure you have a box of tissues at the ready. Real-life stories about people from all walks of life, and their journey into their gay selves prevail and are worth Tweeting, Facebook sharing, and Pinterest pinning.
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